When children experience dialogue with their parents as being heavy in direction and correction they will hear parental questions of interest as interrogation. They will expect whatever they tell their parent about their day will lead to correction or direction…which will then feel like condemnation. Researchers tell us in healthy parent/child relationships the communication ratio is typically 4 positive, affirming comments to 1 negative or correcting comment. In struggling relationships, to create something positive the ratio would increase to 8 to 1. Yikes! That means for every direction or correction statement, I need to say 8 non-direction, non-correction statements. To be successful, I am going to need to know WHAT to say.
We often overlook the role of listening in our lives. There are many guidelines that people give for public speaking, but whoever heard of anything like that for public listening? We take it for granted and don’t think about the importance that it has in creating, healing, and maintaining relationships. True listening is an active … Read moreFrom Confrontation to Conversation: Thoughts on Listening
At our practice, several of our counselors are certified to work with grief and trauma. Our days are spent being present in the therapy room with another human who has been deeply wounded and is working towards new awareness as well as mental and emotional health. As I have reflected on the conflict and … Read moreMaybe tomorrow we can all wear 42…..